Losing and Loving
by freakout1234
Summary: Remus and Tonks relationship from when they first met until their deaths. They both are in love with eachother, but sometimes love isn't simple. Especially when you're a werewolf. My first fanfiction! 3rd person POV


Remus Lupin did not fancy the color pink, nor did he intend to grow attached to it. But when a young woman with the bubblegum pink hair arrived at 12 Grimmauld Place, he felt an attraction to the unique color of her jagged locks. As Remus observed her from across the hallway, she dropped all of her luggage, and immediately collapsed on the ground with her belongings. Her suitcase unfastened, leaving a giant mess of garments all over the rotted flooring. Remus was bewildered by the woman's hair altering from bright pink to a cool blue.

"I'm truly sorry!" She yelled, barely realizing her voice was loud enough to penetrate the walls. Remus, being the gentleman he was, ran to assist her.

"It's alright," Remus said gently. He did not know what else to say, he didn't even know who this young woman was. Was she here to join the Order?

"I see that my cousin has already made herself at home," Sirius chuckled as he came through the front door. He stroked his wispy beard, grinning widely. "You have always been a clumsy one, Nymphadora."

"Oh, shut up Sirius," The woman teased, brushing her hair behind her ears. "AND CALL ME TONKS, YOU IDIOT!"

Remus felt extremely confused, and couldn't find the words to speak. Why did Sirius bring his cousin in The Grimmauld Place? Though, he was the type to do the unexpected.

"How rude of me," The woman said, standing up. "I'm Nymphadora Tonks, but please, call me Tonks. Only my parents call me by my first name, which is revolting."

"Remus Lupin," Remus said, shaking her hand. "Nice to meet you."

Tonks couldn't help but notice the Remus's rugged attire and complexion. Scars ran across his left cheek, as if they were dragging his skin downward. On his right hand, a crescent shaped mark spread over his five knuckles. Obviously, he hadn't shaved for weeks. He looked older, but not unattractive. I mean, who was she to judge people based on looks? Being a Matamorhpmagus had its ups and downs.

"Are you a-" Remus hesitated, "-Metamorphmagus? I couldn't help but notice the change in your hair color."

"Yes I am," Tonks said proudly. "Sometimes I can't control it though." Suddenly, Tonks's hair returned to its bright pink shade. Remus envied her cheerfulness. The full moon had just transformed him 2 nights ago, leaving him in pain and weariness. It had been days since Remus had felt anything but throbbing and ache.

"I'll see you guys at dinner then?" Sirius concluded. "We are going to discuss Tonks's amalgamation to the Order."

"You are very young to be in such a dangerous organization, miss." Remus said, helping Tonks's settle into her guest bedroom.

"Psh…I'm 23! I can choose my own path in life," Tonks's muttered, knowing Remus was half-right. Sure, Tonks was confident in herself, but she felt inexperienced. Being an Auror did fill a void she She lifted the suitcase onto the noisy bed frame. "This room is horrible!"

Remus was oddly fond of her honesty. "At the Grimmauld Place, it doesn't get any better than this."

She exchanged a giggle, but silence quickly overtook them. Remus knew there was something he would have to confess, but he could not find himself to bring it up. Whenever he told people he was a werewolf, they would abandon him and act as if he was contagious. Remus himself felt like a monster inside his own body, a danger to all humans. Telling this girl of his condition would obviously ruin even the slightest chance of them having a friendship. Tonks was about to open her mouth, but Remus beat her to it.

"I'm a werewolf," he said as though he was apologizing. "I feel that everyone in this residence has a right to know." Tonks eyes widened, out of pure shock, but she didn't have any fear. She should've realized it when she first saw Lupin. Tonks silently cursed herself for acting like a fool.

"Please know I don't mean any harm, I'm just-"

"-A normal person with a condition," Tonks murmured sympathetically. "I understand."

Tonk's rested her heart shaped chin on the palms of her hands. "Do you want to give me a tour of the quarters?" Her face lit up and she rose from her chair enthusiastically.

"Of course, Nympha—I mean Tonks."

Remus wore a grin, which has only been seen by few, as he guided Tonks towards the many wonderful rooms that lay inside the house.

MANY MONTHS LATER

Sirius Black was dead. Killed by Bellatrix herself. Tonks lay sobbing in her bed hysterically. She was curled up in a ball, not caring if hours passed by. Miles away, in another flat, Remus's face was buried in his hands, tears welling up in his eyes. Both were filled with anguish.

A knock on the front door disturbed Remus's weeping. He struggled to stand, and finally unlocked the door. He wasn't stunned that Tonks stood in front of him. The two had been friends for months. Remus admired that Tonk's no longer thought of him as "that werewolf", but as a human being. They were quick friends, always grabbing a drink at the three broomsticks or enjoying the color and brightness of Diagon Alley. Besides James, Sirius, and the rest of the Order, Tonks was Remus's only true friend.

"Oh, Remus!" Tonks sobbed, as she clasped him tightly. "I just can't believe it!"

She burst into another fit of tears, and Remus strived to hold back his sorrow. He held her indefinitely, feeling a sense of tranquility. In his arms, Tonks felt like hole in her heart was being temporarily filled. In a normal situation, crying in a man's grasp would be uncomfortable. But, at this moment, she actually felt content. Tonks finally stopped bawling, and looked up into Remus's eyes. He saw her face was swollen and red, and her eyes had lost their usual gleam. It hurt him to see such a cheery woman in a depressed mood.

"I'm sorry about that," Tonks said, wiping her nose with the end of her robe. She released herself from Remus's hold and felt a rush of humiliation come over her. Coming over to Remus's apartment was a mistake. She secretly held feelings for him, and it was obvious he did not return these feelings. Many times, she subtly dropped hints about her attraction towards him, but would brush them off and not take notice to her strong admiration towards him.

"What is there to be sorry about?" Remus questioned wiping a tear from the corner of Tonks eye. "Mourning is common after one is stricken by loss."

Tonks gave a half smile, and then let herself in through the doorway. Remus softly closed the door and followed her into the living room. He always felt a bit embarrassed when others came into his flat. It was cramped and undecorated. The wallpaper peeled relentlessly, and the floor was rotten and old. Being a werewolf, holding down a job was just as hard as transforming into the wolf. Therefore, the flats he lived in were just plain dreadful.

"I know talking about it will help," Tonks sniffed as she sat on the couch, "But can you please distract me with another topic or something? I need to get my mind off of this."

Remus sat down next to her, his hand on her shoulder. She sat slumped on the couch, unable to process her own thoughts. Remus awkwardly removed his hand and pondered how to cheer up his dear companion.

"I don't know what to say…"

Tonks lifted her gaze onto Remus's. She expected him to look away, but he didn't.

"Can I stay the night?" Tonks asked, recognizing being alone would only do harm to both him and herself.

"Stay as long as you want," Remus spoke, softening his voice. A chill went up his spine, igniting thoughts that had pestered him for the past months. Remus liked Tonks more than a friend, and he feared that she would find out of his emotions towards her. He was disgusted by his own feelings, knowing of his awful condition and the age difference between him and her. How selfish was he to bring an innocent person into his life, knowing he could possibly bring harm to her? No one deserved to be with a werewolf.

Almost a week had passed and Tonks was still a guest at Remus's flat. Remus was not annoyed by this fact at all; he very much enjoyed her presence. She had just ceased her daily expression of grief, and Remus understood that it took time to heal the heart. He himself had gone through nights of weeping. Throughout the week, they shared supper, which seemed to make Tonks very glad. She loved being by Remus, sharing secrets with him, and engaging in deep conversations with him. Tonks appreciated his distinctive sense of humor, and composed attitude. On the other hand, Remus respected Tonks ability to stay at least a bit cheerful even in the midst of such a miserable period. Tonks knew she had stayed at Remus's flat for far too long, but she didn't wish to depart. Leaving was out of the question. Tonks's love for Remus grew significantly during her stay at the flat. She no longer could hold in her feelings for Remus. Every time their eyes met, it was like her heart was melting. Tonks had never experienced such a sensation before; she had always been the independent type, and she never expected herself to fall in love so hard and deep. A single touch of Remus's hand to her own flesh made her heart swell and stomach flip. She wanted to yell it out to the world. She was in love with Remus Lupin.

"Hello Remus," Tonks greeted. She was dressed in her Weird Sisters top, and gladly boasted her bright pink hair. Remus turned his head, smiled, and went back to preparing eggs.

"How are you this morning, Nymphadora?" He questioned, still focusing on the eggs.

"Fairly well, and call me Tonks, Remus! I think you have only called me by my first name the past few days!" Tonks insisted, with a bit of laughter in her voice.

"My apologies," he said with a smirk.

"You really didn't have to make me breakfast! You are too hospitable."

"Oh, think nothing of it. I don't have company very often."

Silence continued for what seemed like ages until Remus found the courage to open his mouth.

"It…seems that there is…a…full moon tonight," Remus hesitated. "If you are alright-"

Tonks sat on the counter, next to the stove where Remus was at.

"Oh, say nothing more. I think I'm actually…going back to my place today," Tonks contended. "I've bothered you enough already."

"Really?" Remus couldn't find the words to say. His heart wanted her to stay, but his mind perpetually asserted that a werewolf cannot have guests, especially guests that he was madly in love with. "I—I mean that's fine with me, you are free to leave whenever."

Inside, Tonks had wished that Remus would proclaim his love to her and ask for her to never leave, but she knew it was never going to happen. He didn't love her.

Tonks had all of her belongings packed by noon, and was standing by the front door next to her secret love, Remus. Outside, rain poured onto the London streets, creating an aroma which only she enjoyed.

"Thanks for everything," Tonks managed to say. She didn't want to leave, at least not like this. She loved Remus with all her heart, and couldn't see herself leaving without exposing her true feelings. Remus looked at her sadly, and cursed himself for not being the man she deserves. She opened the door, hearing the rain patter outside. She stepped outside with her umbrella, and noticed Remus following her outside. She sighed and turned around, to see Remus standing with his hands in his pockets. They gazed into each other's eyes for ages, finding themselves getting closer, and closer, until their lips were only inches away from each other. He could feel the warmth of her breath on his lips, and very much wanted to give in to his feelings.

"Remus Lupin," Tonks whispered, stroking her fingers through his grey streaked hair. "I'm in love with you."

Remus was stunned. He was speechless. Tonks…was in love with him? But no, this was all wrong! His kind couldn't love! He was dangerous, poor and old, why would Tonks want him? He immediately pulled away from her embrace and felt as if he needed air.

"I can't," he insisted. "I can't!" Tonks stepped towards him, but he pulled away.

"You can't what?" Tonks asked, tears welling in her eyes. Her hair slowly faded into a darker color and Remus became more distant.

"I can't love you!" he shouted, with more sadness than anger. "I'm sorry!" Remus quickly went inside his flat and shut the door on Tonk's flabbergasted face. She knocked on the door persistently, hoping for an explanation for his cowardly and bewildering behavior.

"Remus!" she cried, becoming soaked from the rain. "Please!"

Remus stood by the door, silently listening to her cries. He closed his eyes, waiting for the awful pounding and screaming to cease. He couldn't bear it anymore. Finally, the noise stopped and Remus collapsed into a somber of cries.


End file.
